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Never was a shallower phrase spoken, but this soundbite from Nick Hornby’s High Fidelity – ‘It’s what you like, not what you’re like, that counts in a relationship’ – has always resonated with me, maybe not in real life, but certainly online.
There’s no doubt Hornby had his tongue firmly in cheek when he put these words in the mouth of his intimacy-shy hero, Rob Fleming. Of course, how can someone be defined by their hobbies, musical tastes and choice of conversation? Well it all depends on how cynical you are about humanity, but it sure counts above anything on the Internet.
Whether we’re crowdsourcing for information, sharing links through delicious, or blogging about our top five books, our personal opinions are the very lifeblood of social networking. But of course, these opinions need to have value and be useful, and be much more than just bursts of hot air.
It was Mike Arauz‘s latest blog post, ‘Spectrum of Online Friendship‘, that got me thinking about this. Friendship online is a very different beast to friendship in real life, to the extent that its values are often completely inverted.
Look at Twitter, for example. This is a social network entirely built around the premise that friendship is not necessarily reciprocal. Granted, on Twitter you have ‘followers’ rather than friends, but this is one of very few platforms that draws a distinction.
Again on Twitter, there are plenty of third-party services that help you find people with similar interests – Mr Tweet and TweeterTags for example. And you can also look at what topics are trending, so you can engage in topical conversation – again often to find new people with whom you share mutual interests.
And it gets more personal too. With the music-streaming application Spotify, for example, you can broadcast your musical tastes to your network by sharing playlists. Effectively, this lets you use your personal tastes as a currency to gain acceptance and credibility, as much as it asserts your individuality.
Perhaps I’m being overly cynical here. But the point I’m trying to make is that your social success on the Internet is fundamentally tied to the things you like, and the things you’re interested in. Maybe this could be translated as your ‘usefulness’ value.
If Mike Arauz’s Spectrum of Online Friendships can be used to plot developments on the relationship ladder from passive interest to full engagement, then your usefulness value can be leveraged as a tool to help you move along this ladder.
This is great for crowdsourcing information and trends, and there must be some interesting implications for brands here. But I just hope that people won’t compromise on their individuality on their journey to becoming more engaged with the digital world.
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“I just hope that people won’t compromise on their individuality on their journey”
Amen to that. Interestingly enough, though, having a unique and compelling point of view is essential to moving people along that spectrum.
I love that Nick Hornby quote, too. The way I put it for brands and people online is that if I can’t see what you’re interested in and what you choose to share, then I don’t know who you are. We use these behaviors of collecting and curating in order to construct our identity in the digital world.
Comment by Mike Arauz 15 April 2009 @ 11:06 amI couldn’t agree more Mike. Absolutely, the stuff we choose to share and publicly engage with is essential for defining our online identities and personal brands.
I just hope we don’t over-engineer our values to the extent that we lose our spontaneity and willingness to adapt to new viewpoints – essentially ending up as heavily edited versions of ourselves. Blimey, what a dystopian future that would be!
Comment by Dan 16 April 2009 @ 8:45 pmThis is exactly the kind of thing that irks me about everyone jumping on the internet bandwagon. I was sharing my opinions and meeting people way before it was ‘cool’ and I took some stick for it too!
I’ve met some amazing people, some that stick with you only until your interests differ, but more amazingly people that are just on your wavelength and that’s where you make friends for life.
This new hip use of the internet with sites like Twitter booming out of nowhere, it floods everywhere with people who don’t really know what their opinion is, people that just follow the crowd.
Now when the genuine folk go looking for conversation all they get met with is a load of people that just agree with you for the sake of fitting in. I might as well just sit at home and talk to the mirror.
Comment by Spoh 11 May 2009 @ 1:36 pmFair point Spoh, but I think you get the ‘me too’ people everywhere. Like everything, there’s a social hierarchy online, and if you didn’t have followers then you wouldn’t get leaders.
I’ve had quite a different experience really. In the online media community, there’s always a range of perspectives and provocative ideas. But it’s about finding the great conversationalists out there.
Is the fan community getting a bit stagnant then? You should branch out lass! People on Twitter always have a lot to say, and it can kick up some nice heated debate. You’re still chewing over your first tweet I see…?
Been reading some interesting stuff from web strategist Bud Caddell on how brands should treat fans, you might find it interesting: http://whatconsumesme.com/2009/what-im-writing/fans-are-the-future-of-digital-marketing/
Comment by Dan 11 May 2009 @ 2:49 pmI think your kind of taking it a bit seriously. Its hard to feel what somebody is like, especially initially over something like the internet or chat. Sure the quote sounded harsh to my early 20′s ear, but later on as i aged it just makes me chuckle and it seems to be almost a factor i see in better relationships — Example in Online dating.
What She Likes:: She says she likes punk music, and goes into detail on it. Therefore we might listen together. Chances are she’s politically motivated, and we can hold conversations. she might even say “i like political conversations”. Bingo. She also might have friends i can meet and we can all engage in this manner. Based on what she likes i know not only what she’s like, but we now have things to DO.
What she’s like:: “i’m intelligent” “i’m nice”.. These are things people SAY but might not be reflected in action. The biggest assholes think they are nice, and think they are doing the right thing. Many women i see on online dating start off by saying they are intelligent. Great. But this is to be determined
. May be i can figure that out on our way to the punk concert. Or fishing. May be she likes that. If she does, well then she’s not vegan, and we can talk about that on the that trip as well.
What if he/she likes helping the poor
What if he/she likes making their own clothes
Its not all music and movies. But i understand your impression since its from High Fidelity, and the main character is such an ass and he’s probably talking a lot about music in his case….
.
***Some of these comments here in agreement, about everybody being in agreement, are ironic!
sorry… but they are.
Comment by MK 23 October 2009 @ 4:46 am